The following post is reposted from June 15, 2018.
Also check out Part One and Part Two of How to Be a Good Co-Regulator- videos to follow soon!
If you are a parent, teacher or therapist interested in self regulation development, then I am sure you have come across the term “co-regulation” in your travels. For those that haven’t, co-regulation is when you support another person to regulate their arousal, attention, thoughts, feelings, and/or behaviours. How so you may ask? By providing a safe, caring and nurturing environment, removing or reducing environmental stressors, and teaching self regulation skills through modelling or explicit instruction. Easy(ish)!
We are probably all familiar with how co-regulation works when supporting an infant; holding them securely, rocking them, making reassuring noises, ensuring their needs are met. But co-regulation doesn’t stop when a child gets older, we continue to provide co-regulative support all the way to young adulthood and beyond. Even as adults, we need some co-regulation support at times. Maybe it’s someone bringing you a coffee when you’re feeling sleepy, or giving you a hug or kind word when you’re feeling down. It could even be discussing with your boss how to deal with a difficult situation. These are all examples of another person providing you with the support needed to remain or return to a regulated state, in order to achieve whatever occupational outcome you want/need to.
Co-regulation has been described by many studies as a key factor in developing an individual’s regulation skills. It is something that is crucial beyond infancy and toddlerhood, yet a comprehensive report about self regulation (2016) found that less than half of the studies of preschool aged children used a co-regulation intervention, and this number dropped further, with under 10% of primary school aged interventions involving caregivers.
We know co-regulation is important, but the older a child gets, the less it is looked at when addressing self regulation. I’m not sure why it’s the case, perhaps therapists assume that the caregivers don’t need assistance in this aspect, or feel other areas are impacting an individual more. My skeptical side fears it may be around therapist’s egos and belief in their own abilities or too much focus on the 
intervention approach used, rather than the individual in front of them. (That may sound harsh, but I recently saw a video of an occupational therapy practice where one of the therapists explicitly stated they ask caregivers to not be present as they have a “better” session without them. Needless to say, I was pretty outraged). Whatever the reason, it’s clear that co-regulation is a much neglected factor when addressing regulation development or “issues”.
So we know that a) co-regulation is pretty important and b) it’s not being addressed well in populations that are over 2 years old. How can we change this to support the individuals we work/live with? I think the first step is understanding the complexity of self regulation development, and the influence environmental factors have on it. When we fully understand that, then we can be confident explaining it to others, and help them to see the influence they have as part of an individual’s environment. Once we are comfortable to take the time and step back to look at an individual in their entirety (without looking at them through a biased lens), then we can address all aspects of their environment (including of course, their co-regulators). At risk of blowing my own horn, one of my goals for creating the Regulation Rocket was for anyone looking to support an individual’s regulation to consider all the factors that impact on it’s development: social supports and co-regulation most definitely included. I hope that it can be used as a tool and an approach to regulation support for everyone, ensuring that crucial components such as co-regulation aren’t neglected in treatment strategies.
The other thing we must do when looking at self regulation is to first look at that of caregivers and other social supporters, such as educators. I described co-regulation earlier as including modelling 
and teaching of regulation strategies. If an individual is not being supported by others with strong regulation skills, it’s no wonder they appear to have “poor self regulation” themselves. This can be pretty challenging, and may result in the need to have some pretty intimate conversations with caregivers/educators. This is where knowing your role and abilities comes to fruition, with a potential need to link in with whatever other services that are required (such as social workers, psychologists etc). If you are a caregiver or educator, you may need to have this conversation with a family member or colleague, or self assess your own self regulation.
I recently read a thread online where paediatric occupational therapists were asked for pros and cons of their jobs. Almost all of them stated challenges with families as a ‘con’. Personally, I disagree as my thoughts are that children do not operate in a vacuum (not surprising really, as no one does) so our role in paediatrics will never be to just look at and support a child. When a caregiver seeks therapist support for their child, they can be experiencing a whole range of thoughts and feelings, which will be influencing their interactions and relationship with their child. Knowing how crucial co-regulation is to self regulation development, these thoughts and feelings need to be acknowledged and addressed to provide the child with the best possible level of support.
Similarly, when supporting an individual at school, it’s crucial that educators themselves feel regulated and supported. Sadly, experience tells me that this is often not the case. I’ve had educators report to me that they feel overworked, underappreciated, not supported in their workplace, pressured for results from principals/parents, overwhelmed by the needs of their students, not listened to by leadership… The list goes on. And it’s not just educators I’ve worked with, up to half of Australian teachers leave the profession within their first five years, and over 25% have thought of quitting in the last three months. If the people teaching our children are stressed and have no time for self care (like eating right, sleeping enough, doing physical exercise etc), then what are they teaching students about regulation?
Regulation starts with those around us. It’s crucial that anyone working with children or young people acknowledge the importance of co-regulation on development, so that the supports they need are accessed and their needs are met. Those that have or work with children are some of the most caring, kind and nuturing people I have ever met. It’s time that we start putting as much love and care into ourselves and each other too.