Questions to consider:
- What has the person experienced before that shapes their response now?
- Is the response habitual?
- What does the person believe that is impacting on their response?
How Habits, Beliefs and Past Experiences can support self regulation:
Every experience we have shapes our perception of future experiences. For example, imagine you are trying a new activity for the first time, let’s say you’re learning to kite surf. Your instructor is patient, encouraging and celebrates the effort you put in regardless of your success in being able to actually kite surf. How would you feel about kitesurfing in the future? I assume that most of you would feel a positive connection and be willing to try it again! Imagine now that is a child trying something for the first time. The support they receive both from the environment and their co-regulators will shape their future responses to that activity, even if the environment changes or their co-regulators are not present. The more positive associations they make, the more resilient they will be in persisting with an activity even if the levels of support changes.
Just as our past experiences can help us self regulate, so to can our habits. Habits can be very useful in self regulation as they occur subconsciously, allowing us to free up active thought for something more challenging. Over time, a practiced behaviour can become habitual so when we are faced with a scenario that challenges our self regulation, our automatic response is one that helps us maintain regulation. Everyone has habits that they use to self regulate, whether this is having a coffee to become more alert in the morning, taking a deep breath to deal with someone who is being unreasonable, or taping your foot to stay awake in a meeting or lecture.
Beliefs are assumptions we gather from our past experiences. They are true to us, and are strongly shaped by not only our experiences but our cultural environment. A child who has experienced positive, safe and nurturing relationships will likely believe that they are able to express themselves and be heard, allowing them to be open to or seek co-regulation support if needed.
How Habits, Beliefs and Past Experiences may impact self regulation:
On the flipside of the above, if an individual has had a negative experience or experiences, they may be less likely to self regulate in particular situations. This may be due to a flight/fright/fight reaction, it may be due to a presumption that what has happened before will happen again, or it might be a ‘build up’ of emotion, resulting in an individual reaching ‘tipping point’. A child whose tower of blocks has been knocked over 3 times may not be able to ‘make a good choice’ when it happens a fourth time. As a Perth-born, new to Sydney driver, I have noticed that my ability to self-regulate is becoming more and more strained whenever I venture out on the road. I’m used to drivers letting me in when indicating to change lanes, but many Sydney drivers seem to be averse to this! As such, I now presume that drivers won’t let me in, and when I indicate it’s usually accompanied by a sense of frustration and annoyance, before the other driver even has a chance to let me in. On the odd occasion a car has decelerated to let me in, I feel rather silly at being so grumpy for an incorrect presumption.
I often see behaviours that have no apparent trigger. Teachers or parents will say “I have no idea why they do it!”. Behavioural tracking shows no obvious pattern. In these situations, I will look to see if the reaction could be a habit. Perhaps it used to serve a communicative, sensory or social purpose, but now it has developed into an automatic response. I worked with one child who started biting before he could speak. He is now extremely chatty and social, yet continues to bite. As anyone who has ever tried to break a habit would know, habits can be triggered by anything. A peer went on holidays for 6 weeks, and in this time the aforementioned child did not bite once. As soon as the peer came back, the biting recommenced, even though that particular peer was not the one bitten. It was this (and the exhaustion of all other possible functions of the biting) that prompted me to support his caregivers to approach the biting as a habit. Fingers still crossed on that one!
As I mentioned above, beliefs are true to us. Which means that sometimes, they might not be true to others. This sometimes makes it hard to understand why an individual is responding the way they are, as an individual may hold a belief that we don’t. A young child might believe that being asked to ‘wait’ is absolute torture. Who knows how long they’ll have to wait for! When is ‘soon’?!? It’s crucial they have it NOW! If these beliefs are not validated, it will be hard to help the child regulate as they are desperately trying to get you to understand what they believe to be true. Alternatively, a child who is given rewards to calm down from a tantrum, might soon believe that throwing themselves on the ground or hitting someone is the best way to get a lolly or an icy-pole. If the rewards are consistently being given in one environmental context, the behaviour may occur even if it is not reinforced in a different context.