Toileting can be a stressful situation for carers and children alike, but it doesn’t have to be! In my last toileting post Talking Toileting, I explored the complexity of toileting as an occupation. It’s no wonder everyone involved can feel overwhelmed! I previously mentioned that I don’t believe in a one size fits all approach to toileting (or any skill aquistion for that matter) as an individual’s differences and their environment will need to be considered and supported.
That being said, here are a few tips that I find have worked well across a variety of ages, stages and environments:
1. Open door policy
This one probably doesn’t need to be said as many families I work with already have this policy in place, but for the more reserved or for those that enjoy the solitude of the toilet space, it’s time to let go of any embarrassment/peace and open that door! Children are fantastic imitators and benefit from demonstrations for a couple of reasons: it lets them know that that behaviour is safe, and it shows what they are expected to do. Having an open door policy can also help get a child curious in using the toilet. Encourage all members of the household to embrace the policy to allow maximum repetition and exposure to how a toilet it used.
2. Flush that poo!
A child who has never done a poo on the toilet has no way of knowing that that is where poo “belongs”. I’ve worked with children who firmly believe that poo goes in a nappy, and then the nappy goes in the bin, and that’s that! Take an extra moment to tip your child’s poo into the toilet from their nappy (or encourage them to do it themselves). Then either you or they can flush the toilet and see the poo disappear! It might seem strange (or gross) but this small step can help a child feel comfortable letting their poo go down the toilet, instead of always into a nappy.
3. Check their diet and health
Diet plays a huge role in the type and quality of our “number twos”. Constipation can be a huge factor in a child not wanting to poo on the toilet, as it may hurt more than doing it in a favoured postion and safe place. Constipation can also lead to diarrhea, so if you have any concerns with your childs bowel movements, chat with your health physician to make sure everything is running smoothly. Adequate water intake is also crucial, and it’s important to make sure your child isn’t having any pain urinating or defecating (children xan get UTI’s too!). Making sure your child is eating and drinking right, and is generally healthy is a great place to start when thinking about teaching toileting skills.
4. Make the toilet area appealing
Toilets are usually very different environments to where your child usually toilets when in their nappy. It’s not as warm and safe as behind the couch, in a cupboard, in their bed or wherever your child’s preferred “spot” is. Toilets are typically colder, sterile, less visually appealing and may have a different odour: air freshener, toilet cleaner or the last person to use it! Think about what would appeal to your child: pictures of their favourite characters, a smell they prefer, warming the seat with a hot towel before they sit on it. The toileting area should be inviting and as non-threatening as possible, especially in the early stages of learning to use the toilet.
5. Personalised or targeted stories, books and videos
Talking about toileting and normalising the use of the toilet via books and short videos are a great way of exposing children to the steps to toileting, especially for those who may spend most of their time playing and miss seeing a parent model toileting behaviour. Stories that are personalised for an individual child (ideally with photos of their most commonly used toilet) are a great way to engage children who may otherwise not be interested. Likewise, video self modelling can be a great tool to personalise a video and show a child they can do it via some clever editing (yellow food coloring and water squeezed from a bottle is surprisingly realistic!). I’ve seen lots of great books written for children at bookstores and op shops, so keep an eye out for one that may interest your child (my favourite one has a button that makes a flushing sound, gets them everytime!). Tom’s toileting triumph is a great resource on YouTube, and well worth checking out!
6. Visuals and charts
Visuals (photos or pictures) that show each of the steps needed for toileting are great for showing a child what they need to do next, and can be stuck next to the toilet for easy access. Sticker or stamp charts are also great for rewarding each step as they master it, and can be used by the whole family to make the child feel included and supported. Have fun with the visuals! Use photos of the child or family (if possible), and celebrate each of the steps equally. Remember some steps may be harder or easier for your child, so make them feel accomplished and successful each step of the way!
7. What are they wearing?
What your child is wearing will have a huge impact on whether or not an attempt to use the toilet is successful, or ends in a messy floor. The time it takes to undo a button can be the difference between a success, and a not quite success. The feeling of wet or dirty clothes can be extremely uncomfortable and motivate children to stay in their warm, dry feeling nappy for longer, so make sure the pants option you choose is achievable for your child (or those assisting). Many people recommend summer time as the ideal “time to start” for this reason: less to no clothes can be worn around the house to increase the chance of a successful elimination in the toilet.