This is my first post in a while, and there were a couple of contributing factors to why I stopped posting. I say “were” because those factors are no longer deterring me from posting, and to be honest, they haven’t for a while. Yet I still haven’t sat down to start a new post in ages, and when I finally did I wanted to firstly explain why I’ve been absent so long. Partly because it felt strange to start a post with zero explanation as to where I’ve been, but mainly because I like to analyse what I have learnt from a particular experience and see how I can extrapolate that to make me both a better therapist, and a better person in general.
When I first started this post I was going to title it “Getting Back on the Horse”. Not quite satisfied with that analogy, I considered calling it “Getting Out of My Rut”. Again, this didn’t quite feel right, so I settled on “Taking Control of The Wheel”. You may (or may not) be wondering why I cared so much about the title of this post, and what ‘wheel’ I’m referring to.
When I started to think about why its taken me so long to start blogging again, I thought about what contributed to me stopping in the first place, and believed that I just had to get my motivation going again to restart. While this may be somewhat true, and at risk of shedding responsibility for my actions, I didn’t want to be blaming myself for why it took me so long to get going again (well not completely blame anyway!). Sometimes we stop doing what we want or need to because of a pure lack of motivation, or because we’re being lazy. (That reminds me, note to self: exercise tomorrow!!). But sometimes, maybe oftentimes or maybe rarely, we can’t do those things important to us due to something outside of our control. I stopped blogging due to things I did not see coming, and as such, felt that the wheel that I am normally in charge of steering in the direction I choose was wretched from my hands.
I’m sure you have all felt that loss of steering. Maybe your child gets sick, and the list of things you had to do is forgotten. Perhaps a family member or close friend is experiencing mental health issues, and you need to drop what you are doing to support them. Maybe you recieve a large bill, and all thoughts of going to the gym disappear as you figure out how you’ll pay it. The loss of steering could be due to anything; financial strain, health issues, professional, personal or interpersonal problems. Sometimes the loss of control is fleeting or short lived, othertimes you may not remember the last time you were able to steer.
The issue with losing control of the wheel for extended periods of time is that the longer you are in the ‘passenger seat’, the more you get used to it. You become accustomed to being done to, rather than doing. You forget what it’s like to being doing something you really want, or that’s important to you (and maybe no one else, but that doesn’t make it less important). This is when something that may have been completely out of your control, no longer needs to define your actions, yet still does. I believe this is where we need to recognize it was not our fault that we lost control of the wheel, but it is up to us to get it back. We may need help from family, friends, therapists, colleagues or associates, to help us get both hands back on that wheel and point it in the direction we want to go, and that’s fine. Depending on how far we’ve gone off course, we might need help realising how to regain control.
I lost control of my wheel due to a few reasons, some that I was able to recover from quickly, and some that took a lot from me emotionally. I have learnt how absolutely incredible my friends are, and how much I can rely on them, sometimes completely. I have learnt that some people will disappoint you with their actions (or lack of). I have learnt that an idea is just an idea without the passion, knowledge and dedication to back it. I have learnt to get things in writing, as you can’t always trust what people say. I have learnt that those that support you, do so always and will not bend to the will of those in power. I have learnt how to take control of my wheel, and how to ask for help if I need it.
We can’t always control what happens in our lives, and we may meet or know people who have lost control in theirs. If we acknowldge what has taken control of our wheel, we can figure out how to get it back, or support those around us to do the same.