I’m sure you heard in the news recently that Utah (USA) passed a law to make it legal for parents to let their children walk to or play in the park unsupervised. That’s right, it used to be illegal. Well, kind of. Turns out that someone in your neighbourhood could dob you into the police for “neglect” simply for letting your children play in the park by themselves. And Utah is the first American state to explicitly legalise “free range parenting”, so getting reprimanded or your children taken off you is still a possibility for many Americans who allow their child to play unsupervised. It’s a story that makes you shake your head and say to the closest person “what has the world come to”. Here in Australia, we don’t have any laws specifically allowing parents to let their children play outside unsupervised, but our laws around negligence are a bit murky and up to interpretation, so its unclear if anyone could actually be penalised for doing so. Thankfully we haven’t gotten to there yet.
I’m not a social or cultural analyst, so my perspective on this whole topic comes from pure observation and experience, rather than some well researched longitudinal study (sorry!). What I’m about to write probably isn’t novel or ground breaking, but I hope you get something from it rather than it being just another person reciting what we all know. Heads up, I’m not a parent either, but I’m pretty sure my stance would be the same even if I was.
I think it’s easy for us to blame “society” for the changes that have occured over the last 15 or so years. But how exactly has society ruined outside free play as we know it? If you’re old enough to be wanting to read this, chances are you remember as a kid being able to ride your bike, go over to a friends house, play outside your house or down at the park. With just your mates. The only rules would be along the lines of “look after your brother/sister” and “be home by dark/dinner”. Oh, and you would have to have done your chores/homework/put on sunscreen or warm clothes before you were allowed to go.
You may be thinking “but kids these days don’t want to go outside, they’d rather be on their phones/computers/DS/Playstation/X-Box/electronic thingameegigys”. And that their parents are too concerned with academics and after school activities or fearful that someone will hurt their child to allow them to play outside the house unsupervised. These all may be true to an extent, but it’s not just the fault of the parent or child. Many children would love to play outside by themselves! Not every parent lives in terror that their child may be hurt if they are not watched 24/7. The fact that allowing your child to play unsupervised became illegal, is just preposterous! I am a huge advocate for keeping children safe, but there becomes a time when children not only need to become self reliant, but want to be. There was nothing better as a child to hang out with your mates, and I can’t think of a bigger downer than if you’re every move was monitored by an adult. Even in Australia where it hasn’t gone as far as lawsuits or pressing charges, I’ve heard about parents being judged, guilted and shamed for allowing or wanting to allow their child to play outside unsupervised.
They say it takes a village to raise a child. And in today’s society we rarely see ourselves as part of others ‘villages’ outside our own immediate or extended families. But few people live surrounded by just their families, so like it or not, we are the village surrounding our neighbours and their children. Now I now that not everyone likes children. Or wants children. I’ve met people who downright dislike them. But the fact remains that you were once a child, and some adults probably didn’t like you too much either. Turning a blind eye and thinking it’s not your problem doesn’t do anyone any favours. The children of today are the adults of tomorrow, and I would much rather smart, self reliant and free thinking individuals to be those adults.
While I’ll leave the parent specific suggestions to a future post, I want to touch on what everyone, parent or not, can do to create an environment where parents don’t have to live in fear of sending their child into the world unsupervised. Here are somethings we can all do to build a safe and supportive village for all children:
– Stop over consuming and sharing negative news as though it were more prevalent than it is. I get it, we love drama, emotional stories and clickbait worthy titles. And the world isn’t all sunshine and roses. But constant viewing of tragic, scary or fear mongering stories contribute to the belief that the world is much worse than it actually is. Crime rates are actually the lowest in years, yet we live in constant fear of those we don’t know. Let’s start sharing the good stories much more often!
– Get to know your neighbours. When I was young we knew everyone in our street. Maybe not by name, but at least by face. Have a dog? Ideal conversation starter! Take them for a walk when you know your neighbours are coming/ going. Maybe you grow or make some sort of plant/food? Knock on their door and offer them some. Introduce yourself! Even if you’ve seen them for years, it’s never to late to tell someone your name. Knowing your neighbours means there are less strangers in your neighbourhood.
– Contribute to your community. Whether it be the community garden, helping a neighbour with some heavy lifting, watering someone’s plants while they’re away, attending school fetes or busy bees, or joining in community events. Be a presence in your community! This ties in well with “getting to know your neighbours”.
– Spend more time outdoors. If you have a front garden, tend to it in the after school/weekend times. Go for a walk, sit in the park and read a book, throw a frisbee or kick a ball. Not only is the fresh air great for you, but it puts more eyes out on the street. In Japan, I’ve seen elderly residents set up card games, and young adults sit and read or talk with friends at the same park where children are playing hide and seek and chasey.
– Advocate for change in your local park. If it looks boring to you, it probably seems ten times and boring to children! Does it need more trees? Things to jump on, climb over or swing from? Maybe it could do with a clock so they know what time to go home! Parents can’t advocate for change alone, if the whole community chips in, your local government will listen.
– If you have a genuine concern, address it in a respectful manner. There’s always more than one side to a story, and remember your perception isn’t truth, and your opinion is just that, an opinion. Talk out why you’re concerned, escalate to the authorities if needed, but come prepared to listen and learn. Communication is the best way to prevent misunderstandings.
Parent or not, we all have a role to play in the development of children within our community. Let’s do what we can to give all children the safest and most enjoyable childhood possible.